Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize