the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
