Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
