Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
