God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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