i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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