Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
