I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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