I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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