she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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