Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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