I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Semen is not good for contacts.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
PS: I just woke up from my shower
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
