Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
