distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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