Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
