a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
