I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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