walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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