i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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