me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
