The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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