So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
