dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
