I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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