Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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