You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
