I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
