Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
