My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize