We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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