a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i will never coherently bang her
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
