Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
