my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
