the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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