Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
