is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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