Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize