I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
