He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
