shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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