Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
