Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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