Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I didn't notice because vodka
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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