never play flip cup with pint glasses
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
