The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
