at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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