alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
