I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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