once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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