Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
