just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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