I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
