I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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