Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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