my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
