I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
