God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
