Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
