I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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