i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
