Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
